They promised us there would be no stag parties.

It was definitely one of the strangest bars I have ever been into, although I think we were both as mystified as each other. One of those places you could only experience if you were to leave these shores and travel to a relatively obscure ex Soviet bloc country. A couple of weeks ago I found myself in a Depeche Mode “tribute” bar, Tallinn’s only Depeche Mode themed bar. A weekend in Estonia crowned by this fantastic discovery. It goes without saying that neither myself nor my lovely travelling companion play in said 80’s electro/rock gods but I still felt a bit like Allan Partridge when he goes to his stalkers house and there’s that room with photos of him-self everywhere. This was our last night in Tallinn and we were feeling that maybe we had not yet seen all this city had to offer even though we’d just been to a garlic restaurant, had a drink in a Mexican bar serving Chinese food and with a Union Jack adorning it’s façade, (one of those “identity crisis” theme pubs”) and been to a gig at a warehouse where they played that awful Peter Fonda film, The Trip, on the walls. Peter is a “jock” who goes to see an “acid” doctor who ploughs the poor boy with head drugs and then the screen goes mental.
Bar DM is in a basement in the old part of the city and of course there were DM promo videos being played on a big screen that we could not escape from and it was empty when we arrived, well there was a young couple who were looking a little bongo’d and were sprawled all over a couch. The guy bore a remarkable resemblance to Bob Geldof, yes! I almost splurted my Bailey’s back out into my glass, incredible. We got our drinks and settled into a night watching the DM boys banging away at pipes in various industrial type locations, all very well until a young Henry Rollins look-alike (circa Black Flag’s Damaged era) sat across from us drinking tea with honey. A very intense looking young guy with muscles screaming at us from under his shirt, we whispered to each other that he was probably some kind of Russian mafia type who would rip our heads off very soon. Sir Bob’s girlfriend then stands up and walks over to Don Henry’s table and starts pouring his honey into a spoon and necking it, right there in front of him and she didn’t even ask, but he just stared at Dave and the boys banging away.
By now we started feeling a little bit edgy and were hoping to calm ourselves down with more Bailey’s and some beers, but no! This kid walks in with a coffee and he looks like he’s about 15 years old and he sits along from us and starts staring at our faces, the girl continues to harass the big guy’s honey and still the DM boys bang away at big empty oil drums. After we escape we see the wee guy standing outside a strip bar looking shifty and incredibly we see him join the queue for his plane to Hamburg at the airport the next day, “is he old enough to travel on a plane on his own d’you think?” I ask.

Lee